Skunkhaze:  I swear that I will have revenge for the death of my brother!
Kiras:  You have my BOW!
Rayserker: And my AXE!
Rusalki: And your brother...!

My last job interview was five HOURS long. I made it through the first couple of interviewers and was doing pretty well.  Then for the last hour I was supposed to be interviewed by one of the upper-level managers.  He came in about ten minutes late (no problem, he was probably busy, and I'm NOT going to call him on it when I'm the one being interviewed!).  We talked for a little while, and then he started in with his questions.

He asked me, "How well do you perform under pressure?"

I thought for a moment and answered, "Well, I don't know that that one very well, but I'm really good with Bohemian Rhapsody."

Red Beard the Pirate was being interviewed by a newspaper reporter who was looking for juicy stories of excitement and derring-do. He told Red, "I'm sure my readers would love to hear the tale behind your peg leg."

"Well, I were thrown from the ship during a wild nor'easter, and before me mate could throw me a line a shark bit me leg clean off."

The interviewer was sort of disappointed. "Well, what about the hook at the end of your right arm?"

Red Beard shrugged. "I lost me hand in a sword fight with the Captain of the Guard."

Again the reporter was disappointed. "Certainly there's an exciting story about the patch on your eye, at least?"

Red Beard nodded. "One day I was standin' watch at the wheel, and a great albatross flew over me head and crapped right in me eye."

The reporter was amazed. "THAT'S why you wear a patch?"

"Well, I'd only had me hook a couple of days."

Robert Ballard's discovery of the Titanic on the floor of the North Atlantic in 1985 ignited a firestorm of interest in the ship's loss that had taken place more than 70 years earlier.  In all of that information, though, one little-known fact was that the Titanic had a "personality." Specifically, she vibrated under stress.  It's thought that a small imbalance in the engines was the cause, but the crew could definitely feel it, particularly when she was at full speed.  It's said that amongst themselves they would "personify" the ship, saying that she was "calm" when that vibration couldn't be felt, or "excited" or "scared" when it was particularly noticeable.  And in 1985, when Robert Ballard's expedition finally located her on the sea floor she was STILL twitching, even after 70+ years.  She was a nervous wreck.

I was at a bar the other night and talked to a German girl there for about an hour before asking her for her number.  It's a little odd, I know, but she's giving it to me one digit at a time.  The first digit is "9."

Must... NOT... click...

True story (because sometimes truth is funnier than fiction).

In Wales, it's required that road signage be bilingual, English and Welsh.  A while back, a sign was required to prohibit heavy trucks from going through a residential area.  The English was done first ("No entry for heavy goods vehicles. Residential area only."), and that English was emailed off to a translation department for the Welsh version.  The resulting translation ("Nid wyf yn y swyddfa ar hyn o bryd. Anfonwch unrhyw awith i'w gyfieitu.") was put onto the sign below the English version, and the sign was then mounted by the road.

(if that doesn't display see https://www.dropbox.com/s/kuxhu4trxigzqfj/welsh_sign.jpg?dl=0

After a short while native Welsh speakers began to let the road department know of a problem.  The Welsh part of the sign actually translated to "I am not in the office at the moment. Please send any work to be translated."

The sign was duly removed and re-built.

The next quest in that chain is called "A Farewell to Arms."

  TO FUNNY!! BUT SO TRUE!!