What if they're not actually stars?  What if they're really a bunch of tiny holes punched in a container so we can breathe?

A state trooper spied a car puttering along on the freeway at 22 MPH. So he turned on his lights and pulled the driver over. Approaching the car, he noticed that five old ladies were inside, and they looked wide-eyed and terribly pale.

The driver pleaded with him, "Officer, I don't understand! I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?"

"Ma'am," the officer replies, "You weren't speeding, but driving slower than the speed limit can also be dangerous."

"I beg to differ, sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly: twenty-two miles an hour!" the old woman said.

The State Police officer, chuckling, explained to her that "22" was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error.

"But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to ask... Is everyone in this car ok? The other women with you seem awfully shaken," the officer asked.

"Oh, they'll be all right in a minute officer. We just turned off Route 119."

Many life lessons are only learned from difficult situations. For example, I recently learned that the commonly-used RSVP phrase "Maybe next time" isn't the best option for responding to wedding invitations.

What I if told you that you read the first part of this question wrong?

A plane rental company had a star pilot, one of the best in the business, and he was assigned to a flight chartered by a couple of corporate bigwigs visiting the Seattle area. From their takeoff in LA all the way up to Seattle their trip was flawless, with the pilot expertly guiding the small plane around turbulence and pointing out landmarks along the way. But as they neared Seattle the radios went out, and as the entire Puget Sound area was completely fogbound the corporate bosses started to get quite concerned. As the pilot circled he saw the top of a tall building peaking out over the fogbank, with somebody standing on a balcony watching them. He circled low enough to call out the window, "Where am I?" The guy on the balcony shouted back, "You're in an airplane!"

Instantly the pilot banked away and snapped into a new heading, then to the amazement of his passengers started to descend into the fog. A couple of minutes later in zero visibility the plane smoothly touched down smack in the middle of a runway and taxied to a stop at a small terminal. The passengers were astonished, and demanded to know how he'd done it. "That was actually pretty easy," he told them. "That guy on the building gave me an answer that was both totally correct and absolutely useless. I knew he was with Microsoft tech support, and from their building Renton Municipal Airport is 197 degrees at a distance of 10.78 miles."

A husband and wife were talking a couple of months after their first baby was born.  She hesitatingly said to him, "Honey, I think I want to have another baby."  He visibly jumped, and told her, "Oh, dearest, I'm SO glad to hear you say that.  That's wonderful!  I don't like this one either!"

A man and his baby giraffe were on vacation on a beautiful Caribbean island. One day the two of them walked into a bar and sat down for a drink. Now, you may not know this, but giraffes have almost no tolerance for alcohol, so after a couple of drinks the giraffe collapsed to the floor. The guy stood up and started to leave, but the bartender shouted after him, "Ey, mon! Ya can't leave that lyin' there like that!" But the guy kept walking out, and shouted back "It's not a lion, it's a giraffe!"

However, granny didn't survive her trip across the river.

She got hit in the head by a brick.

An old granny needed to cross a crocodile-infested river. She dove in, and managed to make it across. How?


Think back.  All the crocodiles were at the lion's party.

The Lion, the King of the jungle, threw a party, and all the animals were required to attend. However one was missing -- which one?


Try to keep up.  The giraffe, of course.  He was in the refrigerator.