(bah - I gave this one in /gu yesterday, then forgot to put it out here until today...)
A pirate ran from his boat into the nearest bar and shouted to the bartender, "Arrr! Give me 20 shots of yer best rum, quick!" Things seemed urgent, so the bartender hastened to pour the shots, and as fast as he poured them the pirate slammed them down.
When they were all down, the impressed bartender exclaimed, "I've never seen anybody drink that fast before! Why the rush?"
Morosely, the pirate replied, "Ye'd be drinkin' that fast, too, if ye had what I be havin'."
The bartender looked concerned. "That sounds terrible, I'm so sorry. What is it? What do you have?"
The pirate looked smug as he started to wobble a bit. "53 cents," he replied.