Red Beard the Pirate was being interviewed by a newspaper reporter who was looking for juicy stories of excitement and derring-do. He told Red, "I'm sure my readers would love to hear the tale behind your peg leg."
"Well, I were thrown from the ship during a wild nor'easter, and before me mate could throw me a line a shark bit me leg clean off."
The interviewer was sort of disappointed. "Well, what about the hook at the end of your right arm?"
Red Beard shrugged. "I lost me hand in a sword fight with the Captain of the Guard."
Again the reporter was disappointed. "Certainly there's an exciting story about the patch on your eye, at least?"
Red Beard nodded. "One day I was standin' watch at the wheel, and a great albatross flew over me head and crapped right in me eye."
The reporter was amazed. "THAT'S why you wear a patch?"
"Well, I'd only had me hook a couple of days."