November 13, 2019, 02:55:37 pm

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11
Gnome Humor / Re: Medical appointments
Last post by Joltz - August 30, 2019, 09:25:02 pm
/groan
12
Gnome Humor / Re: Medical appointments
Last post by Rayserker - August 30, 2019, 02:49:32 pm
 :o
13
Gnome Humor / Medical appointments
Last post by medimus - August 29, 2019, 03:46:16 pm
As time goes by it seems that I'm spending more and more time in doctors' offices being poked, prodded, drained, and examined.  Fortunately, most of those visits have so far been positive.  At my last visit even my proctologist gave me two thumbs up.
14
Gnome Humor / Disipline: Trump vs Putin
Last post by medimus - August 09, 2019, 03:29:22 pm
Yeah, OK, I admit to a clickbait-style topic name.  Sue me... ;)

(updated from the rec.humor.funny archives)

It seems that Trump and Putin arranged a competition to determine whose nation had the bravest troops.  The two leaders arrived, at the designated hour, on a plateau in Finland high above the water.  Each was accompanied by a battalion of crack troops, smartly uniformed.  The leaders shook hands.

Trump went first. He addressed his battalion of Marines:

"Private Jones! Front and center."

Private Jones saluted and briskly marched to the front of the ranks, facing his commander.

"Private Jones! March to the edge of the cliff."

Private Jones saluted and briskly marched to the very edge of the cliff.

"Private Jones! Jump!"

Jones just stood there, unmoving.

"Private Jones! I said jump!"

The man's knees started to shake, but he was otherwise motionless.

"Private Jones!  This is your Commander-in-Chief.  I ORDER YOU TO JUMP!!!"  Private Jones wailed out: "I can't!  I have a wife -- and a family!"

The MPs arrived and escorted Jones away for court martial.  Trump backed off in disgrace.  It was now Putin's turn.

"Comrade Dmitrivich! Front and center."

Comrade Dmitrivich saluted and briskly marched to the front of the ranks, facing his commander.

"Comrade Dmitrivich! March to the edge of the cliff."

Dmitrivich saluted and briskly marched to the very edge of the cliff.

"Comrade Dmitrivich! Jump!"

Dmitrivich jumped off the cliff.

By some miracle, he is snagged on a branch and he lands on a crag some 50 feet below the top of the cliff.  Dmitrivich is badly injured, but still alive and conscious.  He is carried away on a stretcher.

As Dmitrivich is carried passed Private Jones, Jones cannot resist asking him:

"Dmitrivich! How could you do it?  How could you jump?"

Dmitrivich answered: "I had to!  I have a wife -- and a family!"
15
Gnome Humor / Re: In the Ukraine...
Last post by medimus - August 08, 2019, 03:25:14 pm
And, as kind of a followup, here's one from way back in the early 90's.

In the USSR, a boy is talking to his grandfather.  "Grandfather?  What is the perestroika?"

His grandfather motioned to two buckets on the hearth.  "You are seeing these two coal buckets?  One is full, other empty?"

"Yes, grandfather, I see them."

The grandfather walked to the hearth and emptied the full bucket into the empty one.  After setting the now-empty bucket down he turned to his grandson.  "Seeing now?  That is the perestroika."

The by was confused.  "But - is still the same thing!"

"Yes, is.  But did you hear the noise?"
16
Gnome Humor / Re: In the Ukraine...
Last post by Joltz - August 07, 2019, 08:13:25 pm
 :)
17
Gnome Humor / In the Ukraine...
Last post by medimus - August 07, 2019, 03:43:21 pm
Vladimir Putin, wanting to get on the good side of voters, went to visit a school in Moscow to have a chat with the kids. He talked to them about how Russia is a powerful nation and how he wants the best for the people.

At the end of the talk there was a section for questions.  Little Sasha put her hand up and said, "I have two questions.  Why did the Russians take Crimea?  And why are we sending troops to Ukraine?"

Putin said "Good questions..."  But just as he was about to answer the bell rang, and the kids went to lunch.

When they came back they sat back down and there was room for some more questions.  Another girl, little Misha, put her hand up and said, "I have four questions.  My questions are - Why did the Russians invade Crimea?  Why are we sending troops to Ukraine?  Why did the bell ring 20 minutes early?  And where is Sasha?"
18
Public Discussion / Re: Login servers
Last post by Kenluin - July 31, 2019, 11:12:04 am
Quote from: Rayserker on July 30, 2019, 08:47:01 pm
Do I still get DKP for tonight's server crash raid?  :P


you should keep your day job!
19
Public Discussion / Re: Login servers
Last post by Darchiva - July 30, 2019, 09:12:20 pm
Not unless the Loot boss Kenluin says yes...and I doubt that!! hahaha...
20
Public Discussion / Re: Login servers
Last post by Rayserker - July 30, 2019, 08:47:01 pm
Do I still get DKP for tonight's server crash raid?  :P
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